Empowering Yourself after a Divorce

A divorce can leave you feeling adrift in a sea of uncertainty and change. The marriage you assumed was permanent has ended. You may feel angry, scared, liberated or a confusing mixture of emotions. That’s perfectly normal; your life has undergone a fundamental change, and it takes time to recover from such upheaval. And you’re not alone. In fact, thousands of people have had to resort to using services of Philippines Private Investigators as well as many others to look into their spouse’s suspicious behavior.

It can be tempting to look at recovering from a divorce as form of healing over triumph over tragedy, but it might be more positive to see it as a successful movement marketing campaign, where you rebrand yourself and your relationships with others.

Only one solid rule applies to empowering yourself after divorce: proceed at your own pace. No one else has the authority to tell you when to stop mourning the loss of your marriage, when you should start dating again, or how you should handle your children in the wake of divorce. One of the positive results of divorce can be a rediscovery of your values and identity.

Taking Control

Many online post-divorce websites focus on empowering women after divorce, but the advice on such sites applies equally well to male divorcees. One of the most common empowering tips is realizing you can change your environment.

Environmental changes don’t refer to moving out during divorce: that’s a necessary evil. Instead, this advice recognizes that – possibly for the first time in years – you’re in sole control of your own life. This is a potentially transformative realization, goals and dreams you may have put off as impossible during your marriage may suddenly be attainable.

Some people use this newfound freedom to change jobs, move to new locations or go back to school after a divorce, but change doesn’t need to be so dramatic. Taking control of your environment can be as simple as redecorating in a style that reflects you, not your ex-spouse.

Put the Past behind You

Focusing on what you’ve lost is tempting after a divorce. While that’s perfectly natural, looking back doesn’t help you move forward. You may resent or even hate your ex-spouse, but focusing on those feelings does no good, especially if you share custody of children.

Looking forward can be very empowering. Every decision you make, large or small, is now your own. Whether you’re deciding where to eat dinner or considering a job offer, the decision – and its consequences – belong entirely to you.

Goal setting can help you move forward. Goals don’t need to be huge, life-changing events. Planning to get together with an old friend is a goal. So is starting a new exercise program or learning a new skill. The goals themselves aren’t important: what’s important is that attaining goals forces you to look to the future, not the past.

The Importance of Self-Care

Above all, take care of yourself. Eating right, getting out and moving, and taking time to pamper yourself are always important, but never more so than after a major stressor such as divorce. Caring for yourself can mean everything from starting a new exercise program to buying an ice cream on the way home from work. Go at your own pace, and start a movement that carries you forward.

Adrienne Erin

 

Guest post by Adrienne.  Adrienne is a blogger over at Pongra.  When she’s not blogging, you might find her practicing French, whipping up some recipes she  found on Pinterest, or writing some snail mail.

Leave a Reply